So, I went up to the local university to see a famous person put on a lecture... only to find that the lecture had been canceled because they famous person got sick. I had somewhere in the vicinity of an hour before the Japanese discussion group I was going to. I needed to come up with ways to spend time. Thus, I present to you

How To Enjoy Yourself At The Local University When You Know No One, Have No Money, And Are Not A Student

1. Make sure you really have no money. If you have any, go to the café. If you have only a little, go to the pastry place. Get food. Enjoy food. If you have any leftover food—
2. Feed a squirrel. Bonus points if said squirrel sticks around and waits for more food, and approaches you. Even more points if he gets his friends.
3. Go to the library and research the first thing you see for no more than three minutes. Take notes. Book: Wagner and Nietzche. Page: 34. "This essay, written in July 1864, was supposed to outline
Wagner's political stance after his participation in the Dresden Uprising." FASCINATING.
4. Use the public access computers in the library.
5. Inwardly fume about the students using all the public access computers in the library.
6. Look in vain for an empty table.
8. Ride the elevators.
9. Pretend to make a phone call for the sake of sitting in the soundproof booth.
10. Ride the elevators.
11. Look for a place to charge your phone.
12. Turn riding the elevators into a game. How To Play: Board an elevator on ground floor and ride to the top. Switch elevators whenever someone enters. Pick floors at random, or at age-significant points (like 21 for drinking, 18 for voting, 16 for driving.)
12a. Hide in bookshelves after switching off of an elevator with some people, and then switching onto
a new elevator with the same people.
13. Never let on that you are playing a game. Always look completely business-like.
14. Pretend to take notes on work.
15. Pretend to take notes on the people around you.
16. Take notes on the people around you. Three blue shirts, all different shades. Two water bottles at one table, with two water fountains about ten feet away. No ironic "be green" shirts, though.
17. Count the bikes outside the library: nineteen.
18. Assess the birds and squirrels outside the library: twittery and adorable.

How many of these did I do?



...


ALL OF THE ABOVE. Except the second one, I ate all my food, sorry squirrels.

- Clark Gable is the BEST MAN (whois,sadly,nolonger) ALIVE. Okay, so maybe not the best, but definitely one of, and I need to see more movies he stars in.

- I saw Gone With The Wind today and it was really good but really sad but really long but really good. :D: It gets a happy/sad face.

- I need to see more classic movies, because they're just really excellent. And you know? Classic books are too. I should read more of those (especially the ones I've been assigned).

- I am going to get my ears double or even triple pierced. Probably, I will have one of my friends help me with it, but then I wonder, does it hurt a whole lot? I think it'd be worth it, though.

- I'm not going to dye my hair for a good long while. Over a year, at any rate. Everybody! Hold me to it!

- In the same fashion that NY <3's NY, the Old South <3's the Old South. That is to say, every movie or book which talks about the Old South, or any character in any movie or book who talks about it, absolutely *loves* it because everything was so very quaint and idyllic! Even if it wasn't really.

• Why don't politicians have nicknames like "Old Hickory," "Old Rough and Ready," "Old Oak," "Old Tippecanoe," "Young Hickory," and "His Rotundity" anymore? Pretty lame to lose those, America.

• Why did presidents suddenly decide it was a good idea to smile for their portraits? It makes them look goofy and harmless! I think the old-fashioned, totally badass, "I am staring dead on, at you, right into your soul" approach is far and ahead better.

• The Aroostook War was the best thing in history because it involved lumberjack gang turf wars. Think that over in your mind, and you will realize there is nothing cooler than lumberjack gang turf wars.

• Is there anyone more awesome than Kazimierz Pułaski? No, I don't think so.

• Barack Obama needs a nickname. Only YOU can properly nickname our president something properly bizarre and difficult-to-comprehend-the-meaning-of-without-explanation-from-a-history teacher.

• Only I can construct sentences as befuddling as the one above.

• Bear State, Don't Tread On Me Snake: What other animal flags are there?

• I'm so going to bed right now. I haven't slept properly in forever.

- Do you know what sucks about nowadays? What sucks about nowadays is that, if you get a posh young man, he is not called a dandy, he is called metrosexual. That's right, metrosexual. "Metrosexual in the Underworld" has no ring to it whatsoever. I'm sorry we suck, Marc Bolan. I am.

- Why aren't Madison or Adams on dollar bills, when Jackson and Grant are? What did Jackson and Grant do that beats Madison and Adams? Perhaps Madison and Adams were just unattractive. Although Ben Franklin isn't so cute himself.

Things I have learned so far this year, aside from the curriculum:

- it is very useful to read the assigned books ON TIME
- the "good at math" gene missed me
- taking notes while reading books is a good idea
- formulating a thesis while reading a book is a good idea
- finishing books is a good idea
- making an outline for an essay actually does make it easier to write
- homework is a good idea, and can help you understand stuff, or at least can show you what you don't understand
- MLA parenthetical quotations are the worst (really, the worst)
- rough drafts are fantabulous and awesome, because they mean the errors are fixable, and you don't have to worry too much about being perfect
- if I didn't have a laptop I would get all my homework done
- if I didn't have a laptop, I wouldn't get any of my homework done
- life presents cruel paradoxes sometimes, like the one above
- however, life goes on
- sleep is so good for you

Also, a weird observation I made the other day: there are tons and tons of black Jeeps in this town. Amanda Palmer would be tripping down memory lane if she ever visited.

Also, I saw W. today. Review coming... later.

- First field trip of the year tomorrow! YAY

- I found out why lacrosse is called lacrosse today. It seems that the "when in doubt, it must be some sort of religious thing" works for gym class, too.

- Why are there so many of my teachers on facebook?

- History class: "So, the Dutch, Frannish, and the Spench..." When this spoonerism was pointed out to him, my teacher said, "Well, it isn't as bad as the time I mixed up the first letters of the Turks and the Kurds."

- The new cadence for band is nothing but noise. Seriously. Rather than being helpful and aiding me in keeping step, it is confusing and distracting, and I have to focus on blocking it out so that I can stay in step. While I've come to like the new conductor otherwise, this is one thing which I still can't help but think "Whyyy?" And I don't think we'll ever get the old cadence back either. )':

- I thiiink I finally understand some of those algebra things. Possibly.

So, I made the cookies that I described a bit ago. I normally post pictures of what I bake, but this time, I will abstain, because the result didn't look like it should be consumed by any human. That aside, here is what I learned:

1. Don't use a mix when making chocolate chip cookies if you don't have to. It tastes better, and isn't so much harder, to just do it from scratch.
2. If you're using a mix to avoid buying ingredients, make sure you have the ingredients that the mix requires ahead of time, because even mixes require some ingredients.
3. Make sure the butter is actually soft before putting it in the not-microwave-safe mixing bowl.
4. If there are no eggs in the house, a vegan substitute will work. It may taste strange, but it will work. Plus, it means you don't have to worry about salmonella when eating the cookie dough. Hopefully.
5. Adding a tablespoon of milk does not actually change the way the dough tastes, though it does make it very difficult for the dough to stay as doughy as it was before adding the milk.
6. Sour Patch Kids melt deliciously when you bake them into cookies.
7. So do Junior Mints.
8. They both also stick to the pan like they are clinging for dear life. It takes at least half an hour to scrape Sour Patch Kid residue off of a pan, and then even longer to thoroughly clean it.
9. Adding Nerds is never a bad idea, but it does taste strange when combined with the mint flavor of the Junior Mints.
10. Diabetes and tooth decay is a risk a chef must occasionally face.
11. Even after all that, the cookies will taste good. They may bake in a giant mass of cookie-blob, but they will taste good.

So, everyone, go out there and get some chocolate chip cookie ingredients, add whatever candy suits your fancy, be it Nerds, Junior Mints, and Sour Patch Kids, or something totally different, bake it together, and enjoy your cookies!